Struggling to conceive - Part 2

It was June 2015 and I was preparing for my last Ivf transfer. I say preparing because it never ended up happening. My endometrium lining would never get past 6mm in general, and this time, even with increasing my dosage of meds, it wouldn't even get past 5.5mm. In fact, I had even started to develop cysts in my uterine wall and my lining was starting to decrease to 4.9mm. With the amount of hormones I was taking via patches and even suppositories, my body was telling me it was time to give up. Keep in mind I was turning 35 on June 17, which was exactly five years later from the time Noah and I had started to plan our family. You would think I would have been extremely depressed, but I wasn't because Noah and I already had started to talk about adoption and surrogacy. We had six frozen embryos, which we didn't want to abandon as we felt like they were our babies, however we knew that surrogacy was not guaranteed. Adoption, on the other hand, was more of a guarantee, but it would take much longer. So we figured, let's pursue both options and see what would happen.  

To adopt locally in Quebec, it is not easy because private adoption is not allowed, so even though  we were put on a list, we were advised that chances are we would never be called and maybe we should consider international adoption. So this is what we had done. I had a friend who had adopted from the Philippines and we had fallen in love with her story, and seeing her beautiful girl made us decide that we would like to pursue the same journey. So off we went to research, and as of May 2015 we were on the pre-list, which meant that as soon as the list would open up we would be number two on the list to get on. So when we had decided not to pursue Ivf anymore in June, we were ok because we knew we would be parents in one way or another. 

September came around and we had received the amazing news that we were officially on the list and we were to begin the application process. We had started adoption classes at our local CLSC where we met incredible people who were in the same boat as us, and for once we didn't feel alone. We were finally on the right path, at least that's what we had thought.

We had received the complete application package, which included several questionnaires that needed to be filled out by us, as well as social workers and our doctors. They clearly wanted to make sure that we would be the right fit and needed to ensure that we would make amazing parents. We thought no biggie, we got this, until we were advised that we cannot continue with the adoption process as we would be denied by the Philippines. You see, in order to adopt from the Philippines you cannot be a parent who suffers from any physical or mental health. I had suffered from anxiety pretty much my whole life, but I have been on meds since 2008. Even though my doctor would vouch for me that my life is in order, we were advised to close our file since we would only be rejected and would waste thousands of dollars. Wow! 

So at this point I couldn't carry my own baby and now I was being punished due to my anxiety, which was under control. You can imagine how I was feeling: extremely depressed. Despite this roadblock, Noah never once made me feel responsible and he still remained by my side. We just had to pursue our other option, which was finding a surrogate mother.

And so we did!

Melanie Parnass-Katz is a mother who is sharing her unique story of how she became a mom.

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